I thought I understood,

What it meant to be depressed.

Repressed feelings, they told me.

I thought I could.

I should, I would know.

I thought, I knew,

What it meant to be you.

I’d got you, like a concept I could grasp.

With not even a momentary lapse in judgement.

Because I was every bit open,

to everything closed off in you.

I would get you, right?

‘Cause how hard could it be?

To see through your mask,

To live through your tears,

To scare away your fears,

To know you.

How hard could it be?

Because you were you,

And I was me and I was trying.

I was ready,

For your darkest thought,

For your most sinful deed.

For every seed of doubt that you had,

For every single bad dream.

I was ready.

That night you told me,

You no longer remember your sleep.

So you no longer have to remember,

To forgot your dreams.

I took your hand, and told you

How beautiful they could be.

Technicolor, a rainbow filled,

Bright shiny dreams.

You let go of mine. And told me that,

Even your sun wore a shadow that night,

Eclipses weren’t a rare phenomenon in your mind.

Casting a dark spell over everything.

Making even white a lesser bright,

Than the world had ever seen.

Than I had ever seen.

You didn’t want to darken me.

You held me in your arms,

And still an arms length away.

I asked you,

If there would ever a day come ?

When you’d look me in the eye,

And mean every word you say.

And again words failed me.

I didn’t understand you.

Read novels and stories

And heard podcasts too,

Did everything I could,

but it was just not enough.

Not enough, the way you felt,

Everyday.

Not heard enough,

Not driven enough,

Not loved enough,

Not understood enough.

Not good enough,

Not enough.

I stood there, watching you,

Broken and full.

Half empty,

Still bursting at your seams.

I wanted to make you

Dream again.

Love again,

Feel again,

Complete again,

And I was ready.

I stood there waiting for you.

You did not move.

You were not ready!

And once again,

You were you and I was me.

And in that silent storm hit me.

The reason you stood ground so firmly was because

You were already you need to be.

Not mine to fix,

Not anyone else’s to be fix.

You did not needed to be fixed.

I don’t know how else to tell you that I finally do understand Knowing enough was never meant for you.